I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm sobbing to NWA
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
