don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
