I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
