She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
