You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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