please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
