New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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