So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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