I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
