My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
