Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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