So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
