also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
