Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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