Say something about gay babies.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
