i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
