So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize