I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
