hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
