got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
