hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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