Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
