my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
