Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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