C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
