they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
