I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
