Define "chronic" masturbator.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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