is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
