Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
