in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
