I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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