The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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