you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
All the doctor said was why
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