Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
