my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
