you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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