what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
