i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
