I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
