can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize