she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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