In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
