What a fucking waste of an outfit
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
