I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
