Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
