I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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