and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
