That's intense
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
