I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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