He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
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No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize