nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
