Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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