Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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