sorry about calling you the devil all night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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