I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
