Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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