You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
