I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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