Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
