Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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