Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
