I wannas sexs uuuuu
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
