he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
