Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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