pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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