If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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