No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
